Addicted to Approval

         Confronting people used to be the greatest fear of my life.  My second greatest fear was sharks, which, of course, means that I would rather be eaten by a shark than have to confront someone. 

What is it about confrontation that would tie my gut in knots, turn my muscles to Jell-o, and give me the sensation that I’m floating outside of my body, watching myself do this unspeakable thing called good communication?  Why is it that I can have a wonderful speech planned, mentally rehearse that speech with boldness, and then crumble into a ball of anxiety as soon as I look into that person’s eyes?

Oddly enough, it is for the same reason that I stare at a blank computer screen, unable to type even one sentence because all I can hear in my mind are other people’s criticisms.  It is for the same reason that I gave up learning to paint, because nothing I painted looked exactly like the picture in the book.  It is for the same reason that I tried to lose weight, even when I was almost underweight, because I wanted others to see me as beautiful.  I had an approval addiction.

An approval addiction says, “If others like me, then I can like me, too.”  Of course, if others didn’t like me, then I had a real problem on my hands.  You don’t like what I wrote?  Let me make your changes.  You don’t think I’m the next Rembrandt?  You’re right, and I never will be, so I’ll give up painting.  You don’t like my body size?  Here, let me slim it down for you.  Just please, please, please like me so I can like me, too.

Approval addiction doesn’t stop with human relationships.  Once I realized what I was doing with family and friends, I was then able to see that I was treating God the same way.  Am I not reading my Bible enough for you, God?  I’ll read it more.  Am I not praying enough for you?  I’ll pray more.  Am I not involved in enough ministries for you?  I’ll do more.  Just please, please, please like me so I can like me, too.

Growing up in the church, I had always heard that God accepts me.  So what?  I thought.  I accept a lot of things I don’t like.  I accept slimy cooked spinach on my plate, painful criticism from family, and the fact that sharks will probably never go extinct.  What if I’m the soggy lump of broccoli that God accepts because it’s what He’s supposed to do?  Please stop telling me that God accepts me.  I don’t have an acceptance addiction, I have an approval addiction.  What I want is for God to LIKE me, to WANT to be with me, to ENJOY my friendship.

This thought nearly squeezed all the air out of my lungs.  Did God approve of me?  A loud “Yes!” crashed through my heart, smashing the chains of my approval addiction.  If God approved of me, what did it matter if anyone else did or not? 

Why, God?  I asked in awe.  Why do you approve of me?  I don’t deserve your approval.  The answer came like a healing balm:  “I approve of you because of who you are, not because of what you’ve done.  Even when you mess up and I am grieved over your sin, I still approve of YOU, because you are and always will be my daughter—forgiven and made righteous.”

I am writing again—as you can see.  I still don’t think I’ll ever be another Rembrandt, but I am painting again.  And, I’ve decided that America no longer gets to decide how flat my stomach gets.  If people don’t like my writing, my painting, or my waist size, it really doesn’t matter at all, because I have found One who meets all the needs of my approval addiction.  And the best part is, I don’t have to DO anything to get that approval from Him.  I’m His daughter, and that’s enough.

Scripture to Study:

Zephaniah 3:17  “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.    He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”